The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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