Your mouth is God's brothel.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
