I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
