p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
