I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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