Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
