i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We need a shit load of segways right now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
