Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
