I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
