He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
