I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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