the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
