no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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