You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
