dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
