He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
