The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
