My liver just broke up with me...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
