I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
