I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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