well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
