Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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