$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
