I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
