I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
