you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
