Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize