Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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