were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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