Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
