Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
