i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
