Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The uberlube is also flammable
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
