I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
