He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
