After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
