i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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