Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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