and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't turn off my feet"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
