Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
