I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
