I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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