I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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