In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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