just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
