the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
