I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
