a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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