every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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