he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
