I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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