I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
