everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
