1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Non-Jews are for practice
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
