im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
