Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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