Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
