i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
