But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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